


you exist but you are not alive.

by ephemeralstar



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 causes the resets not MC, Bad Ending, F/M, General spoilers, God Complex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Explicit Sexual Content, Power Imbalance, Violence, abusive dynamics, and its kind of a groundhog day au, but also not really, can be read as yandere!707 but that was not my intention, holy shit this is angsty as fuck, its definitely canon divergent, spoilers for zen's route, this is an au but im not really sure what type
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8580091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeralstar/pseuds/ephemeralstar
Summary: She has to earn her survival, her happy ending. That's what he tells himself. Has to prove she can hold the RFA and herself together.So far she's not succeeding.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote it in a single night and its hella unedited. i dont know how the reset power works in-universe so just suspend your disbelief and questions until the end. comments would be great. mysme owns my ass.

The first time it happens, she’s actually rather glad; the last thing she can remember is a searing pain and a white light, some jumbled memories in the back of her mind of a guy with an eye tattoo. She’s not sure what’s happened, but she needs to talk to the RFA, to ask what’s going on... but she can’t. She’s in her apartment, not Rika’s,  _hers_ , wearing her own pyjamas, and the date on her phone says it’s the day she joined the RFA. That can’t be right. The app’s gone too. There are the beginnings of an anxiety attack clutching at her chest and she has to lay down with her eyes closed until it goes away.

Its midday when she realises she’s wasted half the day, and goes to get fresh air and figure out what the hell has happened, but just as she’s about to exit her apartment, she gets a notification.

 **_MysticMessenger_ ** **has successfully been installed.**

She clicks the notification out of habit and the app opens immediately, a logging in to a chat room before her very eyes. 

 **< Unknown>** _...hello?..._

* * *

 

She does it again, goes to Rika’s apartment, and pretends she doesn’t know the RFA as they start a new chat. Everything seems the same; almost. She gets a text after she’s agreed to join;

 **From 707;  
** _MC, it's me Seven. Tell me if you know anything more about the hacker. I report things to V. Welcome to the RFA~_ _★_

She takes a minute before responding, trying to remember what she had said last time, even though it feels as though she’s trying to grip at silk every time she pulls a memory to mind. Either way, if anyone knows anything, it’s either V or Seven.

 **From MC;**  
_I want to talk to V myself!_

A long pause came before she got a response.

 **From 707;**  
_^^; You know he’s busy._

She doesn’t respond. They don’t talk to each other for the next three days, and by then, it’s already begun; she’s well on her way to being with Zen again, and he watches behind through the monitors as she throws her whole heart into it once more. It ends just the same way as it had the first time, and Unknown blows them all to smithereens.

* * *

 

This time, she doesn’t follow Unknown’s instructions, and for the first time -  _she thinks_ \- she sees him face to face. Except she  _knows_ his face, knows his tattoo, knows that voice. She screams and runs, but doesn’t even make it to the elevator before there’s a bullet in her back. She remembers falling. She doesn’t remember hitting the ground. She wakes up in her own bed.

* * *

 

“I feel as if I’ve known you for months.” Zen’s giving her a half-smile under the moonlight and she feels as though she could melt, but her heart is in her throat at his words and all she can do is nod. “What’s wrong, princess?” Zen’s had reaches up to cup her face, but she sees him hesitate, and  _God_ she hates it, hates that she’s never gotten to kiss him, always being sent home and warned of  _the beast_.

“I just-” she doesn’t realise it, but her voice is thick with unspilled tears, and finally understands why he looks concerned, “it’s so good to see you.” She’s the one who moves, leans into his still hesitating hand, lets him hold her close. But he doesn’t kiss her. He sends her away with a sad smile, hugging her before she leaves, but still he shuts the door on her and she heads back with a heavy heart.

* * *

 

The problem, Seven muses after watching Unknown detonate the bomb for the eighth time, is that she’s not, by her nature, a survivor. Statistically speaking, he’s not entirely sure it’s possible for someone to get it wrong this many times, but it seems that every time he resets, she forgets her adrenaline-fuelled flight for freedom, which invariably ends in her demise, only for her to repeat it a week and a half later.

* * *

 

 **From 707;** **  
** _MC, it's me Seven. Tell me if you know anything more about the hacker. I report things to V. Welcome to the RFA~_ _★_

 **From MC;**  
_I want to talk to V myself!_

 **From 707;**  
_lololololololol I’m getting deja vu._

He regrets it as soon as he’s sent it; it’s the tenth time she’s asked for V, and it’s the first time he’s deviated from his pattern. She keeps calling him nonstop for over an hour, finally he relents.

“ _Is this a game to you?”_ Her voice is a low snarl and when he looks to the monitors she’s giving him a seething glare. He hums noncommittally, but doesn’t hang up. “ _This is your fault, isn’t it?”_ Her voice turns into a roar and suddenly he’s holding the phone away from his ear, watching as she screams the words ‘ _Fuck you, Seven!’_  over and over, throwing the phone so hard it smashes on the ground. Dancing angrily and barefoot in the shards, he sees her anger dissolve into a tantrum, sobbing messily with bleeding feet. It takes a full hour for her to wreck Rika’s apartment, tearing up classified information, slicing open sofa cushions and searching for the bomb, vowing to dismantle it herself. It’s cute, in its own way, that she tries so hard. She doesn’t find the bomb, but she doesn’t wait. It’s not an explosion that kills her this time, but still Seven resets.

* * *

 

For the first day he waits, watches the monitors remain stagnant and waits past the time he knows she would join their chat; he's seen the chat between MC and Unknown, knows what she's said and knows how he will respond. Seven knows what's best for her, and this certainly isn't it, so he resets. 

And again.

_And again._

She turns up in the chat the fourth time and ignores his messages. 

* * *

 

 **< MC> ** _why can't you just dismantle the bomb now? you know what happens._

 **< 707> ** _That's not how the story goes._

 **< Yoosung** **★** **>  ** _BOMB!? WHAT BOMB?!_

They both know Yoosung won't remember this. 

* * *

 

" _Is this a game to you? Are you having fun?_ " Her tone is surprisingly flippant when she calls him, and when he looks over, he sees she's found a bottle of nail polish and is painting her toenails with him on speaker.

"No." He says, through gritted teeth. Huffing, she caps the polish and leans back, pressing the phone to her ear and looking at one of the cameras before she answers him.

" _Then let me win._ " It's a simple request; he hangs up.

* * *

 

She loves Zen in a way that would be admirable if it didn't seem recklessly suicidal at this point. Yet still he watches as she pretends to meet them over and over again, gaining their trust, gaininghis trust so he falls for her, and she in turn falls for him.  _Every. Single. Time._ Yes, she loves them all in her own way, loves Jumin when he finally learns to get over himself, loves Jaehee even when she's being condescended and being told not to go to Zen, and loves Yoosung, even as she watches him throw away his life on video games. She may only know them for ten days at a time, but she loves them, and they love her, even if it never starts out that way. 

But she loathes Seven, and he thinks he deserves it. 

He stops calling her when she expects calls from him after two dozen resets, and for every blasé message he gets in a chat they share is quickly followed up by a scathing text message laced with charming insults made to guilt him into helping her survive. That's not how the story goes.  

* * *

 

**From MC;  
** _luciel, do you love me? is this why you do this? is this why you make me suffer?_

**From 707;  
** _I love Honey Buddha Chips and Elly. Everything else can rot._

**From MC;  
** _apart from me, apparently._

* * *

 

She has to _earn_ her survival, her happy ending. That's what he tells himself. Has to prove she can hold them together and hold herself together. So far she's not succeeding.

* * *

 

Day one again and his phone is ringing. That's strange, usually it doesn't. He doesn't actually recognise the number, so he picks it up with caution. She's in the bathroom, just entered Rika's apartment and is looking around. The bathroom's the only place he doesn't have cameras, so he's surprised when he hears her voice on the other end of the line.

" _God Seven._ " Addressing him, her voice is a dangerous purr and she exits the bathroom looking nonplussed, examining her nails with cold indifference.

"How'd you get my number this early?" He chews his bottom lip, frowning at her through the display.

" _You gave it to me, remember? It's there in the app. It's always there. I finally decided to memorise it._ " A silence hangs between them, unspoken bitterness built up over what feels like months. " _Is it because I love him? Is Zen the problem?_ " There, right there is where her voice cracks and he can see the fear she had been hiding for so many resets.

"Maybe." She can hear the nonchalance in his voice and finally he feels like he's clawing back to the high ground- not morally, of course. It breaks her. He watches her expression crumple in realisation and in that moment Seven knows that, despite everything he's done in his long and fruitful career of ruining people's lives anonymously, he's never crushed someone's soul quite like this before. It’s only the second time he's watched her die on day one.

* * *

 

 **< 707 has updated his status.> ** _Its tough work being a God. T.T_

He knows it’s a mistake as soon as she enters the chat room and it’s all she posts. Everyone else is suspicious and frankly annoyed. They blame Seven; they think he's the person who let her in. He resets before he has to explain himself.

* * *

 

Twenty-eight. When talking with Unknown, she's calm and collected; Zen bursts in just as he has countless times before. But this time it's Zen who attacks Unknown, and he grabs MC, pulling her to safety before the bomb goes off. Seven's stomach drops as he watches them on the security camera out the front of the building; she's sobbing with relief, kissing Zen like his lips are the ocean and she's desperate to drown. 

" _I love you._ " She's shaking bad enough that Seven can see it on the camera; he can also see the way Zen's face lights up, and the tears in his eyes that were both from stress and joy. " _I love you, I love you, I love you._ " She repeats it like a mantra, whispering it against his lips until he's repeating them back to her, the both of them crying now. Seven doesn't have cameras at Zen's house, but he's willing to bet she's not letting go of him any time soon. Yoosung seems ecstatic knowing that they'd gotten their happy ending, and goes home soon after, but Seven doesn't sleep. He works on Zen's speech now that there's actually a party to prepare for, and tries to salvage the remains of Rika's apartment.

He avoids the chat rooms that night, but sends Jumin a text assuring him he'd be at the party. He's not sure if he's lying. 

He should have lied, he realised the next afternoon, because he can see MC on the security camera he'd hacked into outside of the building, looking so nervous and excited and  _gorgeous_ , clutching onto Zen's hand, even as the press badger them. She seems so light and giggly that he tries to make himself invisible where he's hidden behind the stage. She's happy. She deserves this. This is how the story goes. 

He only peers out when he hears Zen announcing that she's the love of his life to the entire crowd. With nervous steps she ascends the stage, let’s herself fall into Zen's embrace, and enjoy the moment. They're swept up in a sea of people asking questions, people wanting to talk to the MC, the organiser extraordinaire who had invited them, the press simply wanting to know her name. They all fall away; because that's the moment she spots Seven from across the room, like some romantic scene, if not for the storms in her eyes and the way her face contorts into a mask of pure hatred. There's no way for him to escape, he knows; there's too many people blocking the exit. Zen trails after her like smoke after a fire, but he's confused at her mood change until he spots her target. It doesn't make him  _less_ confused. As far as he knows, MC and Seven are perfectly civil towards one another.

"Hi, you're Luciel, right? So nice to finally meet you!" He can't form words, can barely form thoughts, just watches as she asks the Lady of the Bracelets if she could borrow her chair. Every single move, every single facial expression is perfectly harmless, and it has his blood running cold. Zen watches bemusedly, with only a hint of jealousy, until, in a sudden furious rage, MC picks up the now vacated seat and smashes it over Seven's head. " _How dare you!_ " Everyone in attendance has gone absolutely still, watching as Seven drops to the ground like a sack of bricks. Again, she raises the chair, but it’s snatched out of her hands by a now horrified Zen, so she goes in attacks Seven with her full force, hurling insults and fists, sobbing angrily as she does so. " _How **fucking** dare you put me through that?!_" She screams until her voice is hoarse and she's probably cracked several of his ribs. Zen is frozen, watching in shock until she punches Seven in the nose and he's knocked out, then he tries to grab her, to stop her doing any more damage, but there's lightning crackling in her blood and she turns and punches him too on instinct. 

A shocked silence follows, Zen's nose bleeding profusely over his white jacket, looking at MC with betrayal in his eyes. This isn't how the story goes. For the first time, she's thankful for the reset, which comes after Seven's weekend in intensive care and MC's nights in holding, with Jumin and Zen arguing about the best way to deal with her; Jumin thinks she knows too much, is too volatile, he could just  _hire_ someone to- but that's murder, and Zen's against that. Mostly.

The next time she logs in, she goes through the motion, falls in love with Zen as she always does, as she's destined to do, but then as Zen bursts in, she looks into the camera she knows has the best vantage of the room, the one Seven usually watches, and bites down into Unknown's hand. The bomb detonates and everything resets. It has to.

* * *

 

It keeps happening; she's so close to her happy ending, but she throws it away over and over again. He thinks that she's trying to apologise. But she doesn't realise he believes he  _deserved_ everything she gave him. He thinks he can still feel the metal that holds his ribs together in that other life.

* * *

 

One day she's cold to Zen and he doesn't know why. She's been laying on the sofa for over an hour, curled up and looking at her phone; there's probably a chat room going on, he thinks, but then his phone is ringing and he sees her holding her own to her ear. He's hesitant, nervous to pick up, to hear what she has to say, but he does, and he can see her breathe a sigh of what he thinks is relief.

" _I'm sorry_." What. That's not what he expected to hear. Even if his tongue wasn't frozen in his mouth, he wouldn't have been able to get a word in as she's continuing without hesitation. " _I'm sorry for thinking that this was my story_."  _Oh._

He tells her more about himself than he has in the past -  _technically_ \- six months, over the following ten days, and in turn, she bares her soul, gives him the ammunition to tear her apart, but somehow knows he won't. She plans the party. He saves the girl. Neither of them goes to the party. Instead, he gives her directions to his house and she wears the same dress from the first time he actually met her. He actually flinches when he sees it, but MC doesn't even seem bothered. Instead, she steps into his space and leans into him, pulls him into a kiss. Its tender, warm, her lips against his in a way that makes his skin prickle. She's whispering apologies, ghosting kisses over the memory of where she had hit him, vowing to make better memories in this dress, and in some way, he understands her logic. More importantly, he doesn't want her to stop kissing him, and she doesn't. She's kissing him until they're on his sofa, and it feels  _wrong_ , but  _God_ , he wants it.

"This isn't how the story goes." His words come out as more of a half-groan, her lips on his neck, nails scraping his shoulder blades over his t-shirt. 

"This is a better story." She murmurs against the column of his throat, sucking a dark hickey into pale flesh. The answer startles a laugh from him, and he pulls back, giving her a smile, a real, genuine smile. It feels like the first time he's worn one of those in eons. 

"Do you love me?" She can't look him in the eyes, instead, she leans in and kisses him again, deeper and more passionate than before, murmuring the question back against his lips. He doesn't answer.

* * *

 

"This isn't how the story goes." It's been a month, the longest time he's had between resets, and MC's fingers are ghosting from his chest to his stomach and back again absentmindedly. The guilt's been eating away at him recently as he watches Zen flounder as his denials of Echo Girl's allegations fall on deaf ears. Seven doesn't go to the chat rooms much anymore, except to goad Yoosung, but even that's lost its appeal. MC doesn't go on at all. Surprisingly, they've almost forgotten about her brief stint as what appeared to be Rika's replacement. She still gets notifications whenever a new chat room arises, but nowadays those are few and far between. She hums thoughtfully, her lips against his shoulder where he's got an arm wrapped around her. It still feels wrong and they both know it.

"You were selfish." She muses thoughtfully, and can't bring herself to look him in the eye.

"I was selfish." He agrees, much quieter.

When MC awakes the next morning it's in her own bed. Not Rika's bed, not Seven's bed. Her own bed. She lies there for a few hours until she gets the notification.

 **_MysticMessenger_ ** **has successfully been installed.**

* * *

 

When he meets her, she's wearing that same  _fucking_ dress, which he's pretty sure must have been Rika's. She's on Zen's arm and looks as though she's on top of the world. She smiles at Seven without fear or bitterness or remorse, and kisses him on the cheek before she thanks him for everything. His own smile is surprisingly soft and he pats her cheek affectionately, but can't bring himself to speak. Nodding at her, she returns the gesture in a moment of solidarity, and the air between them, for the first time since he's ever seen her, feels light.

"Go," he finally says, even though they've only been together for a few seconds, "be with your Prince Charming." With a snort of laughter, MC smirks, before she turns to see Zen trying not to look like he's jealous and mostly succeeding. Something about her relaxes at the sight, and that single moment eases something in Seven's heart.

"I love him." She murmurs, and Seven rolls his eyes, giving her a gentle shove.

"God, you think I don't know that already?" He scoffs, and some shred of guilt and indignance flares to life inside of MC, but she tamps it down as soon as it arises. Squaring her shoulders, she gives Seven a nervous, half-smile and heads back to Zen, wrapping her arms around him. With her lips on his, they ignore the sea of reporters around them and the flash of dozens of cameras.

Before falling asleep, she's swept with terror, and in her panic, Zen holds her so tight he's pretty sure he'll never let go. His heartbeat is steady where she can hear it with her head against his chest, and she breathes through the anxiety curling in her chest. When she wakes, Zen's arms are still around her and the world is golden with the light of a new day.

"I love you." She whispers into the dewy silence of the morning. Zen blinks awake, groggy but delighted at the sight of her almost awed smile. "In every lifetime, I promise I love you."


End file.
